Head-First or Heart-First?

How do you solve problems and resolve conflict…  with your head or heart?  Personally, I don’t like it when others come at me feelings-first because I feel so ill-equipped.  I usually charge head-first into issues, but that generally doesn’t bode well with the softer sex (if you know what I mean).  When a conversation or confrontation starts with, “I feel” – I must admit I feel quite lost.  It’s like I’ve started a trip without knowing where point A is: as if I have no reference point.  Not that I am justifying myself (in fact, I’m probably not on good ground here) but part of me just rebels against the idea of submitting to somebody else’s perspective as my authority.

Emotions are important, very important … vital.  Great heads don’t make good leaders, great hearts do!  But sometimes feelings get in the way of good logic — and at other times, common sense is destructive to tender emotions.  Ever notice that marriages, offices, and churches often have a good mix of hearts and heads?  And why is it that the more you care about someone, the more magnified the conflict becomes?  In order for the talking heads to connect to the tender hearts, please consider these key ideas:

- Be willing to be wrong – even at the cost of your most precious rights: your intellectual & emotional property
- Be understanding that emotions are often the casualties of innocent miscommunications and that logic often causes as many problems as it solves.
- Make sure to listen first and talk later.  Hearts need an understanding / sympathy; heads need verbal acknowledgement / respect.  Don’t be defensive, and, whatever you do, don’t argue with their feelings or logic (that goes nowhere fast).
- Remember, we all share a common enemy.  No, I’m not talking about your boss, your neighbor, your ex, or the government.  It’s important to remember, in the heat of the moment, that our fight is a spiritual one (Eph. 6:12).
- Spiritual people take the first step.  The first step is often a doozie … it takes a lot of humility and love (Gal. 6:1-3).

I welcome you to weigh in with your experiences and principles of relational problem-solving and helpful tips…

A Godly Mother

John 20:20-23 records when Salome (mother of James and John) approached Jesus on behalf of her two sons. Although we often emphasize the negative in this situation, she was not rebuked by Christ.  In fact, we see Salome as a godly example of what a mother should be throughout the gospel accounts.

A Godly Mother is a Great Worshiper.  Salome approached Christ with a worshiping spirit (falling at His feet).  When we worship (bow our head or body), we signify our submission to the highest authority.  We yield our control of ourselves and request approval from the King.  Godly parents realize that their authority comes from God and they recognize the value of a personal relationship with Him.

A Godly Mother Prays for Her Family.  Salome interceded for her children.  She was not afraid to dream big, but she didn’t just dream – she prayed!  Great parents pray for God’s favor upon their children.  She took her dreams and expectations to the Lord.  Too often, parents turn their expectations downward – upon their children, instead of turning them upward – yielding them to God’s will.  She had high hopes for her boys, but she ultimately hoped in the Lord.  This is a classic example of right method (prayer), right direction (Christ), wrong request (James 4:3).  But don’t be afraid to ask (James 4:2).

A Godly Mother Plant Her Family into the Kingdom.  Salome was desirous to see her sons into the kingdom.  Her perspective was beyond this life.  Great parents keep eternity in view as they rear their children (Heb. 12:9-10).  She understood that this life cannot be compared to the one which follows.  Her faith was in Christ and she was certain of life in the Kingdom with her Redeemer-King.

A Godly Mother is a Faithful Disciple.  When most other followers had fled, Salome was there at the cross (Mark 15:40).  She was faithful unto the very end.  Calvary was not a convenient place to be on the day of Christ’s crucifixion, yet she was there.  Calvary was not popular or comfortable, but she was there.  She was a faithful disciple of her Lord and Master.  She kept her eyes on Jesus (Heb. 12:2-3).  Great parents carry their crosses, the crosses of discipleship.

A Godly Mother is a Witness of God’s Power.  On the resurrection morning, Salome was one of a small group of women who was counted worthy to witness to God’s power (Mark 16:1).  Even though women (during this era) were respected enough to be legitimate witnesses in a court of law, Christ entrusted them with the most important message ever.  Great parents carry the gospel of Christ to others.  They are witnesses to power of God unto their children and the people they touch.

I seek to please the Lord as His child and as a good steward of my parenting opportunities. I learned a few helpful lessons studying the life of Salome.  What about you… are you a great parent?  What did you learn from Salome?

A Royal Wedding

It is estimated that over 2 billion (yes, billion!) tuned in to watch the wedding ceremony of William and Kate in England today (4/29/11).  Adjectives like ‘tremendous, beautiful, spectacular’ do not capture the grand scope of pomp and circumstance displayed in the chapel, the palace, the arrangements, the costumes, the musicians, etc.  As we all expected, it was over-the-top … a wedding fit for His (and Her) Royal Highness. [I am thankful that the gospel - as short as it was - was broadcast to so many people around the world.  It still has power!]  The Lord used the ceremony in my heart to remind me of a great Scriptural truth: we are His royal bride!

The Royal Wedding: Compared

The people love Kate: they connect with her.  She is the commoner that has been made into royalty.  It is the same thing we loved about Princess Diana.  Each of us, whether we know it or not, live just a little vicariously through her.  But this story isn’t original with England’s leading ladies, it is centuries old and of Biblical proportions.  You see, we were commoners (Gal. 3:23) until the Prince reached out to us (Gal. 4:4).  Now we (by grace & faith) have been made to sit in high places (Eph. 2:6) and have been promised thrones (Rev. 1:6; 5:10).  We have given an inheritance (Eph. 1:11; Col. 1:12) and and now heirs of all the King possesses (Rom. 8:17).  We are now VIP (Eph. 1:3-5) because we are special to the VIP of VIPs!

The Royal Wedding: Contrasted

Marriage is a God-ordained type of the relationship He desires with His people.  The Bible teaches that believers are Christ’s bride.  Marriage stands as an earthly image (copy, shadow) of a Heavenly reality.  So if you think that the royal wedding was top-shelf, you haven’t read what the Bible says about THE royal wedding (between the King of Kings and His Bride).  Today’s royal wedding was billed as the event of the century… THE royal wedding will be the event of the millennium!  The boy’s choir cannot compare to the angelic choir. Westminster Abby is not even in the same category as the New Jerusalem. Buckingham Palace is something, but it’s nothing compared to My Father’s House. The Queen’s Breakfast was absolutely exquisite, yet it pales to what will be served at the Marriage Supper.  You see, today’s royal wedding was limited by an earthly budget and human planners, but the only limit to THE royal wedding is the creativity, power, and love of God.  And you do realize that God really wants to show off when you arrive, don’t you?  (see Ephesians 2:7)

A Holy Union: Commitment

The presiding minister emphasized that marriage is an holy union.  First of all, it is holy (Heb. 13:4).  The people of God should be sacred and holy.  Too often, we pass those attributes off to our church building instead of owning them ourselves.  We will throw a ‘holy’ conniption fit if someone defiles our church with food or fun, yet we don’t mind defiling ourselves with sins much worse.  God desires His bride to be pure (Eph. 5:27).  The bride’s purity is often represented by her dress (much ado was made about Kate’s dress).  We should be making ourselves ready to meet our Groom with a purified life (Rev. 19:7).  The more real that meeting your Groom becomes, the greater the motivation for purity (1 John 3:2).

Secondly, marriage is a union.  Marriage is when two become one (Gen. 2:24).  The creation of a unit.  A single goal, a single purpose, a single identity.  One.  That’s exactly why God told His people (Mal. 2:15-16) that He hates divorce.  Because when people divorce, one is torn into two halves.  People are never whole again afterward.  Divorce is not the answer.

**In Genesis 24, Abraham sent his servant to fetch a bride for his son, Isaac (the one who offered himself as a sacrifice at his father’s hand).  This is a picture that God the Father sent the Holy Spirit into the world to find a bride for his Son, Jesus (the sacrificial Lamb of God for sin).  The servant met the bride-to-be at a well and confirmed his choice.  Thousands of years later, Jesus met a woman at a well (Jacob’s well – the same one?) and confirmed His choice.  God’s choice is for you as His bride.  Have you accepted Him by faith to be your Groom?  If yes, are you ready for THE wedding?

To My Children

Before the sun sets again, I must tell you what you mean to me. I love you. I’m so proud of you and thankful for the opportunity to be your father. You are so beautiful in my eyes. I couldn’t be happier with you. I have loved you since the moment that you were conceived. You are mine and I am yours. You bear my likeness, and I’m so glad – I hope you are, too. You are a masterpiece of creation, hand-woven with strength for a purpose. You have been gifted with so much potential and opportunity. I treasure you. I love you. (Genesis 1:26; Exodus 19:5; Psalm 139; Ephesians 2:10; 2 Peter 1:3)

I am thankful for your trust; it’s natural for a child to believe in their father. But I’m very sorry that you’ve been dealing with such difficulty lately. Don’t ever forget that you have an Enemy that wants to separate us. Pain, failure, bad experiences… these all might lead you closer to home or further away. That choice will be yours. I know you struggle within yourself, with your emotions and thoughts. I understand. Remember to always trust the One able to do more than you could ever pray or dream (Romans 7:18-19; Ephesians 3:20; 2 Peter 5:8). I’d like to challenge you to the following three goals:

Be Curious

Did you know that kids ask an average of 125 questions per day? Did you know that adults only ask about six? What happened to the other 119? Why do adults ask so few probing or provoking questions? [You get the picture.] Asking questions does not mean you are stupid, it means you want to learn. Never be satisfied with what you know. Seek to grow. Ask God. Search the Scriptures. Never assume. Knock on every door until you find the conclusion. Don’t weary of the chase for truth. And never forget to ask yourself! Be curious until the day you meet the One who knows all the answers and still asks the best questions. (Matthew 7:7; Luke 2:46; John 5:39)

Some people are afraid to ask because they think it reveals a weakness. Know this: it is wrong to stop asking questions. We will never be finished or totally complete until the end. It took our Creator six days to form and fill the world. Allow Him to form and fill you. The moment you begin to assume the answer instead of asking the questions is the moment you will begin to die. Many a grown-up has unknowingly capped their potential by their assumptions. That’s why Abraham had to be taken outdoors to see what God’s plan was. Abraham had given up on the impossible dream that God had given him, until he saw the stars. And that’s why Moses needed a flaming plant to snap him out of a 40-year rut of running from God’s impossible plans for deliverance.

Be Courageous

I truly believe our world has mislabeled failure and success. For example, don’t most people stop trying when they succeed at what they attempt. Most will stop trying (failure) when they reach their goal (succeed). Can you see how backwards this is? Humor me and switch the labels for a minute. What if what we usually considered failures, we would see as successes and vice versa. Now, when you try something – anything – the only way you can fail is to quit. The way you succeed is to keep trying. Victory is to believe you can and defeat is to assume you can’t. So many never try because they are afraid of failure, but in reality they have already failed. Have some guts about you. See failure as a step toward success, every closer to the goal.

Joshua was one of the most courageous people in history. He didn’t win every battle, but he didn’t worry about that. He just kept fighting all the way into the promised land. Jacob wrestled with the Angel all night and would not let go because he needed the blessing. The Bible says he kept going forward from good to great! (Note: Never think that hard work without God is enough. It’s never enough to have faith in yourself. With God, all things are possible! Without Him, we can do nothing.) (Genesis 26:13; Mark 10:27; John 15:5; Philippians 1:6, 4:13)

Be Committed

You are young and bound to make your share of mistakes. You will likely fall many times. Always get back up. Even if you fall seven times, over the same stupid thing, just get back up, knock the dust off, and keep going. The only one that can keep you from finishing is you. No other person has that kind of power over you. Never blame others. Never stop going forward. Never look back for too long. Don’t let the culture shape you into their mold. Don’t let the Enemy deceive you into a counterfeit truth (a lie). Don’t be moved from your purpose as God’s child. This world is only temporary, set your sights higher. Avoid the temptation to be less than what you know (and I know) you can be. Stop at nothing less than the glory of God in your life. Do not quit. (Proverbs 24:16; Acts 20:24; Romans 12:1-2; Colossians 3:1-2)

- Love, Dad

*Lessons from Greatness:

Look at the life of Thomas Edison. At 21, he patented his first major invention: the Electrical Vote Recorder (a device 100 years ahead of its time!). At 26, he invented the automatic telegraph and paraffin paper. At 30, the phonograph (earliest record player). At 32, the light bulb. At 32, electric generators and motors. At 38, a wireless communications system for ships at sea. At 44, the motion picture camera. At 50, the x-ray tube. At 55, the alkaline battery. At 58, a dictation machine. At 65, the talking motion picture. At 67, the telescribe. At70, sonar, radar stealth technology, and the list goes on… His life was full of successes? Yes. For the light bulb alone he “successfully discovered over 6,000 ways that didn’t work!” (his words). Edison was a success because he constantly asked questions and he never stopped trying. He was curious. He was courageous.

Look at the life of Abraham Lincoln. At 23, he lost his job, lost his first election, and was elected captain of an Illinois militia group. At 24, he failed at his first business endeavor. At 25, he was elected to state legislature. At 26, his sweetheart died. At 27, he had a nervous breakdown. At 29, he lost another election. At 33, he was permitted to practice law in the District Courts. At 34, defeated for nomination for Congress. At 37, elected to Congress. At 39, election defeat: lost his renomination. At 40, rejected for land officer. At 41, his 4-year old son dies. At 45, defeated for US Senate. At 47, defeated for nomination for Vice President. At 49, defeated again for US Senate. At 51, elected as President of the United States. Lincoln never gave up. He was courageous. He was committed.